British Chips Dante with Hummus: The True Threat?

The respectable British chip, a culinary icon made from the purest British soil and known fondly to the masses as the “chip,” is under threat. And who could possibly want to harm the beloved potato child of our nation? The answer may surprise you, or if you guessed right off, you’re part of the problem!

You see, recently, a few misguided souls have been abstaining from doing the one thing their British roots require of them – taking a chip and plunging it into a pool of baked beans. Instead, they’ve been pairing their chips with – brace yourselves – hummus!

Is the Age-Old British Chip Falling Victim to the Hummus Invasion?

Hummus, for those of our readers living in blissful ignorance, is a foul substance hailing from the Middle East that has somehow managed to creep onto otherwise respectable British plates. Its ingredients are as foreign as they are hard to pronounce: chickpeas, tahini, garlic, and lemon juice. Can you imagine swapping your beans for this strange concoction? Unthinkable!

Yet some citizens have swallowed this outrageous culinary trend as smoothly as they swallow their mugs of weak tea. But not on our watch! And not just because we struggle with digesting chickpeas.

The Unseen Consequences – Chips Lose Their British Accent

When a “chip” claps eyes on a pot of hummus, it is so shocked it instantly loses its Britishness. Of course, there are always those who would vehemently defend their “right” to “choice” and “tastes”, but are they considering the feelings of the common chip, we wonder?

• Chips aren’t made to blend in with such foreign accomplices. It’s a recipe for identity crisis.
• The lines between the British chip and the American fry are becoming blurred. Soon, we might be inadvertently promoting Americanism! Oh, the horror!

Let’s Get Back to Basics: Chips n Beans!

We’ve said it before and we’ll say it again: The British chip has a commendable heritage. A heritage smeared with beans. Who are we to rob these valiant little mutants of their proud lineage and replace it with a lifestyle they never asked for?

There are those who will argue that they’re just enjoying a diverse diet. Diverse diet? Diversity in diet essentially means converting spuds into golden, comforting chips, not introducing a glob of hummus to the equation!

If you’re not horrified, nay, terrified of the effects that hummus might seep into our culture, you’re probably a hummus sniffer yourself! There’s nothing more dangerous than a British man or woman who can’t see the writing on the (kitchen) wall.

The Call to Action: Keep the Chips British!

So how do you keep your chips British? It’s simple really. Step away from the hummus. Pack your pantry with beans, loads of beans. And maybe a jar of Bovril for emergencies. We’ve got to stay united against this hummus threat, after all.

Throw off the shackles of chickpeas and join us in our traditional British chip eating. Let’s raise our forks high, drenched in baked beans in all their glory, and declare our solidarity for the humble chip. Because we’re not just talking about food here, tender reader. We’re talking about the very soul of Britain. To be specific, that delicious, greasy part that clogs arteries. God Save the Chip!